Green Flags:

What Healthy Relationships Actually Look Like

 

Wedding planning often focuses on flowers, venues, and guest lists, but the healthiest marriages begin long before the wedding day. We asked Cecilia Daigle of The Refresh Group to talk about the relationship green flags every engaged couple should be looking for, from healthy communication and conflict resolution to the everyday habits that build lasting trust.

Here’s what she had to say.

What are some relationship green flags people should pay more attention to before getting married? 

Let’s jump in starting with these three questions:

• Are they humble?
• Do they have character?
• Do they prioritize personal growth?

If we’re honest, answering “yes” to those questions can save the quality of your marriage down the road. 

Anyone can be an incredible spouse on vacation or during the honeymoon phase. But who are they when life gets hard? Who are they when no one is watching – or when everyone is?

A person who prioritizes growth is more likely to take ownership of their triggers instead of making them their spouse’s responsibility. A humble person can apologize without defending themselves first. A person with character chooses honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable, and shows up consistently to their spouse – not just when it’s convenient.

Pay attention to how they handle stress, disappointment, conflict, and hearing the word “no.”

But here’s the bone-deep question no one asks enough: Are you the kind of spouse someone can build a healthy marriage with?

What are signs that a couple handles conflict well?

They know how to say, “I was wrong.”

They don’t keep score. They don’t weaponize each other’s vulnerabilities. They stay curious instead of defensive. And after an argument, they know how to reconnect instead of pretending nothing happened.

Now that I’ve mentioned what handling conflict well looks like, let’s be real, most of our conflicts won’t be handled like this day one. This is also where humility, character, and personal growth come in. These qualities help us circle back, own our part, and handle the next conflict better than the last. 

What does healthy communication actually look like in a relationship?

We love this question because healthy communication is often misunderstood.

It looks a lot less like avoiding conflict and a lot more like having the courage to walk straight into it.

One of the biggest myths is that healthy couples don’t fight. I can almost guarantee that if we’re not dealing with conflict, resentment is brewing somewhere. The healthiest couples are the ones who can disagree and still make each other feel loved, heard, and respected.

You don’t need a spouse who never frustrates you. You need a spouse who’s willing to understand you – and who’s willing to let themselves be understood.

Healthy communication isn’t about saying the perfect thing every time. It’s about creating a relationship where the truth is safe, honesty is welcomed, and repair is expected.

What’s a green flag that often gets overlooked?

Consistency.

We live in a culture that celebrates grand gestures – the surprise trips, elaborate proposals, and the highlight reels. Those things are fun, but they aren’t what builds a marriage.

Marriage is built on ordinary… the Thursday evenings, stressful mornings, unexpected setbacks, and the thousand little moments no one ever posts about.

Pay attention to who they are when there’s nothing to prove. Do they keep their word? Do they follow through? Do they bring peace to your life instead of constant chaos?

Grand gestures create memories, but consistency creates trust and safety that calms the soul in a way that nothing else can. 

What is one piece of relationship advice you’d give every engaged couple?

Don’t spend more time planning your wedding than preparing for your marriage.

The flowers will wilt. The cake gets eaten. The pictures get framed. But your marriage is what you’ll wake up to every single morning.

Have the conversations now that many couples avoid: money, sex, family, expectations, conflict, faith, boundaries, and your vision for the future. Don’t just chat about it, be courageous enough to be bone-deep honest about your stance on these topics. If you can’t talk about it before the wedding, it’s almost guaranteed to show up after the honeymoon.

So what are you waiting for? Go build a healthy marriage while you’re in your engaged era. 

 Cecilia Daigle, LMFT, is the founder of Refresh Group, an integrated mental health and coaching practice offering therapy, coaching, and psychiatric services for people at pivotal moments in life and love.

Refresh Group skips the clichés – combining compassion, honesty, and real-life strategies to help clients break patterns, build healthier relationships, and create lasting change.

The people who come here aren’t always at rock bottom. They’re at the edge of a breakthrough – ready to stop settling, rewrite their patterns, and become who they’re capable of being.

This isn’t the bandage practice. It’s the breakthrough practice.